Hijab & me.
You know what? I am still adjusting myself with the hijab. It IS a big thing to me. I don't want to wear it just for the sake of covering up, I want to wear it like how I should be covered in the first place. I have piles of clothes that are either too tight, too short, or short sleeves. I am adjusting but that also means more shopping every month! *hints Obe*
Most of the days I just watch my tops, pants, cardigans, shawls and think where to start?
Like seriously, how to start meh?
I am the type of a girl who wears polo-T and jeans and sandals to mall. I am the type of a girl who ditch the make up and use Johnson's baby powder instead. I am the type of a girl who took only 5 minutes to prepare.
It took me 30 minutes just to stare, buttoned, unbottened, iron one scarves, then iron another one. *sigh* I am such a gullible! Everything I wear seems to be inappropriate to me.
No one asked me to wear hijab. Nobody! None.
I'd been thinking to wear one for years maybe but the feeling intensifies somewhere around last year. Then I thought, 'ah I am getting engaged anyway in February. That should wait'. But it didn't happened that way, Subhanallah!
Alhamdulillah Allah granted my prayers, to be a better muslimah.
I did discussed with three of my friends (see how secrecy I was?): Izi, Dama and Beha. Quoting from what my friends said that I still remember up until now (and hopefully I won't forget);
Izi: Kau tak rasa ke nanti bila kau dah kahwin, when you look back at all you wedding albums, kau rasa malu pasal tak pakai tudung?
Dama: Well dear, that is all Syaitans playing with your mind!
Beha: I was shocked bila dengar satu tafsir Al-Quran pasal lelaki yang sepatutnya masuk syurga tapi masuk neraka sebab ditarik oleh wanita (isteri/ibu/adik/kakak/anak). Shakak, memang susah kalau kita asyik fikir 'kalau/takut'.
You know what is my biggest fear? Not being able to dance anymore T_T But oh well, lets see now. I have not dancing for a year now maybe? So why should I wait kan? Then I do a lot of reading.... Like a lot! And prayers. And du'a. Please please please just have a faith and be strong.
I know I did so many sins back, but repent, promise and move on. Everyone has a story. I have mine too, but its just between you and Allah. Whatever you did, please, just repent and move on. Allah is the Most Merciful, InsyaAllah. He loves us and He will guides us, but only if we want Him to.
I know I am not a good Muslim, but you can never change in a blink. Its a process and you have to have a faith in yourself.
I am proud I took a big step in my life by donning the hijab. And I had never felt this calm before.
Back to the story, yes, nobody knows I wear the hijab except for the housemate aka the cousins: Tity and Sheena, early December. Then when I went back to Keningau to celebrate Xmas, more relatives knew and just made them promise not to tell my family and Obe and not to upload my pictures. And I did so well avoiding all the cameras everywhere!
Obe knew about it first, I told him on the phone somewhere in January. Thought I could surprised him during the engagement but so many things happened and I just couldn't hide it anymore. Then my sister smelt something fishy when I asked her to buy some scarves from Dubai.
When I landed in JB, Mom fetched me and from afar I could see her smile and she just said Alhamdulillah!
Alhamdulillah for all the guidance.
And when I don't know what to wear, I always wear my favourite outfit:
Oh now from XS I go to S. From S I go to M. But I still do prefer L. Very comfy and airy!